Wife!

• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. 

• Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

• The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"

• I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

• 'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

• 'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.   It's called marriage.'

• 'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

• Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 

                     1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
                     2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

• You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

• My wife and I were happy for twenty years.Then we met.

• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

• A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

• First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' 

          Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'